An Artist's Quest for "Soul" in a Chaotic World—by InnerSpirit

This is my InnerSpirit blog page...a page of reflection...inquiry...
and artistic questions about myself, my life, and the world around me. A place for my own personal contemplation of my emotions, my actions, my art, my spiritual journey and how they all intertwine and influence each other. I hope that you check it out, think a little about your life and the many creative things that you might be engaged do those fit into your life and impact the various aspects of your own life? Let's reflect together!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Feeling A Little Rough: Day 20

Revising A Blind Contour I Posted Last Year During AEDM. 
I am feeling a little "rough around the edges this morning". I slept in a bit, but I am still not feeling quite right. I started drinking my morning java in hopes of feeling a little more up "to par"...but it has not really helped. My head feels foggy and I am still quite groggy. I started thinking about this self portrait that I did last year and I thought I wanted to reacquaint myself with it. It seemed to be calling to me. Do you ever have art pieces that speak to you? I try to be sensitive to that with my art therapy work and I have come to believe that sometimes when you create something it has one message for you at the time and it can later come up in your consciousness that it is wanting to tell you more about yourself...this is what is going on with this piece today. (I have included both images here, the original one that I posted last year is the first one shown and the second one is the adjustments that I did this morning while I had my conversation with the piece)

Upon opening the piece...I was struck by the fact that it really does capture how I am feeling today, but my hair is much longer I probably look a bit different. If you take that away and just focus on the face and the haggard feelings that are represented captures my morning very accurately. I feel drawn, tired, and like I just want to go back to bed, cuddle under the covers and watch movies all day. Those days have long gone by the wayside when I had lots of time on the weekends to just hang out with my daughter, who was young then and just have a "movie day". Sometimes I long for those days, but the committments of school have temporarily consummed most of my weekend times. Of course, my daughter is also not small and she is away on her own now going to college in Chicago. I am looking forward to her being here for the holiday season and maybe we can watch a couple of movies together like we used to. We have a holiday tradition of hot cocoa, cinnamon rolls, and watching a few favorites like Christmas Vacation and A Charlie Brown's Christmas among others. 

I ask the drawing what else it wished to share with me other than making me painfully aware of the fact that I am tired...weary...and wanting to just be done with school. She stares back at me and boldly says "You have a resolve to complete what you started, you fear not finishing, you fear failure, yet you always resolve to move forward and reach the other side". I reply to her, "You are not telling me anything that I don't already know. Why was it so important for you speak to me today? Why did you tap, tap, tap into my conscious thoughts today?" She took a minute to just stare at me...I looked deep into the images eyes...they stared blatantly back at me, almost challenging me.

After several minutes of silence had passed, her voice took on a very serious tone as she spoke, "You are allowing your weariness to take over, and it will spoil your celebration that is soon come. Rest...replenish...and know that this hill is only as high as you allow it to become. Don't allow the berating voices you carry with you from your childhood to win. You have courage, resolve and resources that will carry you through until the end. Search within, and remember that you are following the path that has been laid before you by God's hand and this truth has been revealed in many ways over the him, lean into strength from him...and keep stepping forward."

Well, I guess she told me.

My day begins, as I see this image in my head and I try and tune into the "innerspirt" of God's plan for me and I will try and remember the many ways that this art therapy path has been laid out before me. I forget sometimes the "signs" of something bigger than myself when I don't see them tangibly visible before me every day. So my image came to remind me today. Funny how that works. 

Do your images that you create ever talk to you? Have you ever tried to ask your artwork a question as simple as "Why were you created today" or "What do you want to share with me today"? Try it if you haven' might be surprised when the image speaks back to you. Let me know your experiences with this in the past, or if you try this after reading this post...I would love to hear about your experiences with this.

Blessings and Much Love,



  1. I find that my daughter often discovers things in my paintings that appeared on their own out of some swirl of paint that I didn't consciously make. And I find that writing often tells me things as I go that I didn't know I knew or forgot I knew (poetry too). I love things with layers. I believe all creativity is made up of layers and the best leaves a space for others to enter with their own dialogue (thus MFA ehtereal, unconnected explanations of some of the stuff that is turned out at that level leaves me cold). Whoops - a rant slipped in! Love this post! Plus give yourself a break - it's the full moon. This past week has been nutsy crazy!

  2. Tammy...thank you so much for your insightful comment. You were not on a rant! I found what you had to say very interesting. You are right that layers of the artwork leave lots of areas to explore for both the artist and the viewer. Layers and texture in my art often are reflective of the many layers and textures of life. Life is kind of messy and not always neat and tidy as we would like it. I think the writing experience combined with art really helps to round out the creative experience like you mentioned. That is why this month of art and posting is something that I enjoy so much. I am always learning something new about myself. Oh, and thanks for the full moon's funny how much that affects peoples moods.