Feeling A Little Rough: Day 20

Revising A Blind Contour I Posted Last Year During AEDM. 

I am feeling a little "rough around the edges this morning". I slept in a bit, but I am still not feeling quite right. I started drinking my morning java in hopes of feeling a little more up "to par"...but it has not really helped. My head feels foggy and I am still quite groggy. I started thinking about this self portrait that I did last year and I thought I wanted to reacquaint myself with it. It seemed to be calling to me. Do you ever have art pieces that speak to you? I try to be sensitive to that with my art therapy work and I have come to believe that sometimes when you create something it has one message for you at the time and it can later come up in your consciousness that it is wanting to tell you more about yourself...this is what is going on with this piece today. (I have included both images here, the original one that I posted last year is the first one shown and the second one is the adjustments that I did this morning while I had my conversation with the piece)


Upon opening the piece...I was struck by the fact that it really does capture how I am feeling today, but my hair is much longer now...so I probably look a bit different. If you take that away and just focus on the face and the haggard feelings that are represented there...it captures my morning very accurately. I feel drawn, tired, and like I just want to go back to bed, cuddle under the covers and watch movies all day. Those days have long gone by the wayside when I had lots of time on the weekends to just hang out with my daughter, who was young then and just have a "movie day". Sometimes I long for those days, but the committments of school have temporarily consummed most of my weekend times. Of course, my daughter is also not small and she is away on her own now going to college in Chicago. I am looking forward to her being here for the holiday season and maybe we can watch a couple of movies together like we used to. We have a holiday tradition of hot cocoa, cinnamon rolls, and watching a few favorites like Christmas Vacation and A Charlie Brown's Christmas among others. 

I ask the drawing what else it wished to share with me other than making me painfully aware of the fact that I am tired...weary...and wanting to just be done with school. She stares back at me and boldly says "You have a resolve to complete what you started, you fear not finishing, you fear failure, yet you always resolve to move forward and reach the other side". I reply to her, "You are not telling me anything that I don't already know. Why was it so important for you speak to me today? Why did you tap, tap, tap into my conscious thoughts today?" She took a minute to just stare at me...I looked deep into the images eyes...they stared blatantly back at me, almost challenging me.

After several minutes of silence had passed, her voice took on a very serious tone as she spoke, "You are allowing your weariness to take over, and it will spoil your celebration that is soon come. Rest...replenish...and know that this hill is only as high as you allow it to become. Don't allow the berating voices you carry with you from your childhood to win. You have courage, resolve and resources that will carry you through until the end. Search within, and remember that you are following the path that has been laid before you by God's hand and this truth has been revealed in many ways over the years...trust him, lean into him...seek strength from him...and keep stepping forward."

Well, I guess she told me.

My day begins, as I see this image in my head and I try and tune into the "innerspirt" of God's plan for me and I will try and remember the many ways that this art therapy path has been laid out before me. I forget sometimes the "signs" of something bigger than myself when I don't see them tangibly visible before me every day. So my image came to remind me today. Funny how that works. 

Do your images that you create ever talk to you? Have you ever tried to ask your artwork a question as simple as "Why were you created today" or "What do you want to share with me today"? Try it if you haven't...you might be surprised when the image speaks back to you. Let me know your experiences with this in the past, or if you try this after reading this post...I would love to hear about your experiences with this.

Blessings and Much Love,

D.

Sometime In The Wee Hours: Day 17

Crunch, Crunch, Crunch...the stress of the end of the semester has been upon me for the past week. I have skipped out of Art Every Day Month the last few days to focus on my huge case study review for my Clinical III class. It was an important "gateway" to the approval process for my internship to begin next fall. I did pass that, so the crunching paid off, but now I still have a few more assignments to get in by the end of the month. I took some time in the wee hours of the night/early morning today to play a little bit with this abstract piece just to clear my head after typing for several hours straight. I could not even think anymore, so I enjoyed some relaxing play time creating this and now I can refocus with a clear head. (Click on the image for a larger view)

I should be used to this time of year after being in grad school for close to 8 years now with this double major. It sure seemed like a good idea back when I started this art therapy masters degree 3 years ago. It is still a good idea, it has just been harder and LONGER than I originally envisioned it to be. I was originally told that I would only need 21 credits of a 45 credit Masters in Art Therapy because all of my psychology credits and both of my research courses would all transfer into this Master's program from my Master of Social Work degree. I naively thought...WOW...with 4 credits a semester that would be about two and a half years and I would be done. So I went for it. Well...working full-time, not all the classes being offered when I was able to take them and the art therapy credentialing board changing the requirements midstream for how many credits must be done within the actual art therapy program, put me a little behind the original plan. But, plans sometimes have to be flexible if you want to succeed I am learning. Slowly but surely, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

The Holiday Is Around The Corner
. .. but it always takes me by surprise each year with how crazy it gets during this time. The semester before the holidays is always the worst, because just as everyone else it getting ready for relaxed time with family and friends, I am still usually functioning on little sleep and void of any social interactions other than work. Everyone is asking me, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving I think...I can't think that far out...though it is really only next week. For me I am only able to focus on one day at time and doing what I can to get all my assignments in, then I come up for air and wonder..."Yes, what AM I doing for the holiday?" It is about that same time that I am also craving a few glasses of holiday cheer to celebrate another semesters end.

Save a bottle of "cheer" for me PLEASE I say to friends and family...or maybe two this year! A nice "oaky, robust" Merlot sounds good about now or a nice "buttery and oaky", Chardonnay. What's your holiday drink of choice? It doesn't have to be alcoholic, just yummy and festive. I also LOVE to try nice new flavors of hot cocoa and coffee this time of the year.

Blessings and much love,

D.

Relaxing Digital Watercolor Playing For Me: Day 8

 I did not have a chance to do anything on Day 7 for my art contribution, but I have to remember that I don't have to do something every day...I can cut myself some slack. 

Day 8 Fluid Play

For Day 8 of Art Every Day Month I am posting these fun textures that I created on Fluid Painter which is another online art creation program by the same guy that created the Flame Painter program that I created my initial texture from my post on Day 6. I did screen shots of these images to save them to my computer. Both of these programs offer me a place to just let my mind melt...in this case quite literally, as the colors flowed in together (kind of reminds me of a lava lamp-for those who had one or may still have one)...which is about all I can handle some days with my emotional drains from the work that I do during the day.
 

Some of you who are "quick on the uptake" might have noticed that I said that I am "posting" these fun textures I created...not really indicating that I actually DID them today. Truth be known, I actually created them the same day I did the Flame Painter backgrounds, but I don't have anything to show today, time has not worked in my favor...so I am cheating a bit. Do you hate me?

In my defense, I figure that it's okay since some days allow more time than others for creative play. I hope to incorporate these with some other textures much like I did with the ones that I played with from Flame Painter on my previous posts. I hope to get back at creating a bit after tonight which is a major homework push. Better stop trying to look more productive to my blog friends than I actually am, and brew some coffee. It is going to be a long, late night of art therapy homework. You will all cut me some slack won't you?

Do you ever worry about your artist "image" and how other people perceive your efforts or your art? Does that affect how you do your art and how you might market your efforts? I find these things interesting, but then again...psychology and sociology intrigue me, can you tell?

Blessings and much love,

D.

Texture Playfulness Is The Name Of The Game: Day 5 and 6

I am posting quick since I have to get focused on homework this evening. A big art therapy case review is underway for our Clinical III course, so the rest of the weekend is focused on that.

Day 5 Texture Play
This day found me just quickly playing with some texture strokes on the computer on one of my new found online sources Flame Painter since I did not have a lot of time. This was a quick half hour, and I got the image above happening. It kind of reminded me of fireworks and got me thinking of summer days...not the fall days that we are experiencing now, which are cold and grey. I did a screen shot of this...low res...but okay for using as a background texture, given that I plan on "gritting" it up a bit anyway so I am hoping the resolution will still do okay with all the texture overlays. I won't really know until I print something out...everything looks good on the 72 dpi screen resolution.

In the Morning of Day 6 
I found myself playing a bit with some other textures and filters over coffee before starting on homework and heading out to the gym. I created both images by adding the texture photo to the right and then playing with various filters, layer blending modes and opacity's, and layer masks in Photoshop. Again, just works in progress to move forward on maybe as the month unfolds. You can click on any image to see it larger for more details.

The bottom image definitely needs some things brought out of the added "crackled" texture but I am playing and I really like the effect, but I need to enhance some of the circles and bring them forward a bit so the texture isn't taking over so much...but it is a beginning.

Now on to art therapy...treatment planning: goals, interventions etc. for my homework. Later this weekend I hope to check out what some others are doing on Art Every Day Month.

Suggestions or comments would be welcomed!

Blessings and Love,

D.

Re-experiencing the Bliss

It is interesting how even though we sometimes hate limiting certain things in our lives that we "love", or we know that having them or participating in them everyday or at least very frequently, could mean making decisions about our lives that are not nutritiously sound, mentally balanced or healthy for our bodies and our lives in general. Often, we "crave" these vices, whether they are people, things, or behaviors. What I noticed today was what I will call "Re-experiencing the Bliss".

Morning Ecstacy

     I have been dieting for several months or as I like to think of it "focusing on a healthy diet that I can sustain for my lifetime, with the short term goal of losing some weight". I have been focusing more consciously on creating a very healthy eating lifestyle that I hope will sustain me into my second half of life...5o is looming for me on the near horizon. This conscious restriction or moderation of some things that I love, but which may not be the best FOR me,  has actually increased the pleasure that they bring to me when they are indulged selectively and intelligently. I was overwhelmed by this new discovery today!
     I arose to a dreary and rainy day so I decided that I was going to treat myself to a hazelnut latte (my personal favorite coffee of choice). As I arrived at the coffee shop, I asked the person who took my order to be sure and make it with skim milk and sugar-free hazelnut,—I was being decadent...but still making some healthy choices by keeping my calorie count to 150 calories. My biggest indulgence came when I miraculously found myself ordering a toasted Asiago Cheese bagel with garlic hummus. Whew! Should I do it? My mind flowed quickly through the calculations and ramifications of this decadent indulgence and I let the order fly! A Calorie/Carbohydrate "upper"...and I was in heaven as I slowly bit into the luscious creation and enjoyed it's seductive qualities.

Life's Decision Making

     Our conscious moderation of these types of life's indulgences makes the times that we do "treat" ourselves to them all the more wonderful, as long as we think about balance in our lives...and don't go over the top never to return to our level of homeostasis. It is good to "feed our soul" sometimes with decadent things in life. In my case, I enjoyed a fairly low calorie latte by ordering it with skim milk and the sugar-free syrup (about 150 calories) and the extra carbs and calories of the bagel and hummus (about 500) will fall into an extra 30 minutes of aerobic workout at the gym during my normal routine today. I was aware of the consequences, intelligent about the choices that I made, and I allowed myself a wonderfully savory experience that "fed my soul" and my appetite.
     Like anything in life, I believe that going into things with our eyes wide-open, a sufficient knowledge base of the items at hand, and having a sound plan to manage the after effects of our choices in life can help to keep all areas of our life in a healthy balance. By not allowing ourselves to go overboard everyday and weeks and months at a time, with decadent choices we can help ourselves remain healthy in our mind, body and spirit AND as an added bonus, we are actually increasing the richness and the "heaven sent" quality and enhancing our ability to savor special moments in life such as my lovely coffee and bagel morning on this dreary, rainy fall day.