What Does Playing Do For The Soul?

I have been working over the past two days on my Art Every Day Month Challenge piece that is shown here. It is my offering for both Day #16 and #17. I drew in the big shapes with the colored markers on Day #16 and I managed to finish up the many details while I drank my coffee and sat in the sun that was streaming into my dining room this morning. It seemed deceivingly warm to me, but I was forced back into a midwestern Fall reality when I took my dog out and I realized that it was quite brisk and windy. Once I was back inside, I was pleased that I could feed two important needs at once, my creative "innerspirit" and my physical and emotional need for sunshine. More and more is being found out about the importance of adequate vitamin D in our bodies and the sun is a great source of that in a natural form. This time of year in Michigan it is a little too cold for me to enjoy being outside drawing for a couple of hours, so sitting inside at the table was a good way to still benefit from the warm sun.

A Planetary Mandala Drawing Emerges

I just allowed myself to play with the shapes and lines again today with this Mandala since it is also part of my Circles In Time Mandala series. I did try today to stretch the series a bit by doing a mixed media Mandala. After playing with the watercolor Mandala on Day #13, (see the previous post if you would like to see this image) I felt that I could take some artistic liberty and use whatever I wanted on this Mandala and it still would be part of the same series since it was the same size, I approached it the same way, and it was still being used for the prayer/meditation time that it was intended to create for me. I really became quite involved in the intricate line work in this piece and it ended up looking like something from outer space, maybe a really cool planet that is yet to be discovered with many circling moons or suns? I listened to several soothing, contemporary Christian music selections, while I created, and I thought a lot about how God manifests himself in my life. I began wondering why it is so hard to see God sometimes in my life, and other times it seems that he is so very close that I can actually almost touch him...I felt closer to my creative source when I was done, which I believe for me, is God.

Missing AEDM Days Creations?
Those of you that are following this blog might wonder, what happened to Day #14 and #15? Well, I have to admit, Day #14 did not consist of any art, but I was excited that I did manage to do a little artistic "playing" in the way of incorporating music into my Day #15. I have not played my guitar much over the last year, it seems this goes in cycles for me. Sometimes I play a lot, and other times I move away from it and into other things. I enjoyed playing and singing a few songs, but I soon regretted having let it go so long when my un-calloused finger tips started hurting after only a few short songs...this should be reason enough to not let this pleasure go so far between music sessions. Singing and strumming the old familiar songs was a soothing and relaxing way to feed my creative and artistic soul. I find that music in all forms can really move quickly into my heart and it makes me feel alive.

What types of things do you do to feed your artistic soul? Do you take the time to "eat" regularly from this "soul food"? It is easy for us to push time for ourselves down to the bottom of our "To Do" list, even society would tell you that art and artistic endeavors are "frivolous", especially if they do not make money. Don't buy into it, our soul needs the time and the honor of being "fed" and "cultivated", and in return, it will feed and cultivate us in many abundant ways.

Blessings and Love,
D.

Creativity In All Forms

Day #2 of Art Every Day Month
I started an art project for day two very last night, at about 11:30 p.m., and even though I told myself that it could still count for day two, it really flowed mostly into day three, which is today—so I will post on that when it is done. As you can see from my last posting, I will be posting about each day's saga of this artistic journey on the following day. This gives me time to process what was done the day before and to have time to actually post something. So here we go.

After deciding that my starting of art on day 2 at 11:30 p.m. could still qualify toward my personal commitment to this month's challenge...since there are really no requirements that a whole piece of art is actually completed everyday, in the end, I chose not to use it. I remembered that I had started reading a new book The Creative Habit: Learn It And Use It For Life  by Twyla Tharp, earlier yesterday while I sipped my coffee and ate my oatmeal while I woke up. I lingered a little longer that morning allowing myself to consume more of the pages of this intriguing book while my cat and dog cuddled up close to me and my warm blanket on the couch.

So, this is my day #2 qualifying bit of art in my day. A good book, cuddling with my pets, and warm coffee all of which are creative stimulants and qualify in my mind as an AEDM accomplishment. What things stimulate your creative thinking and warm feelings these days?

Fear Still Lives Within Me...and It Breathes Deeply Today

Create Art Everday, November 1
Today is the first day of the Art Every Day Challenge hosted by Leah Piken Kolidas that I have committed myself to undertake for my own creative growth. My luck would have it that the first day of art making would also be the day that I unexpectedly had to drive all the way to Chicago and back (about a 3 1/2 hour drive one way) to take my daughter back to college from a weekend visit home. My drive would have originally been slightly under 2 hours, one way to the Michigan City, Indiana, train depot. BUT, as we stood alone at the train station and wondered aloud why there were not more people traveling to Chicago on this Sunday night, we slowly began to read the digital sign above the depot that told us that there would be no scheduled train run that evening leaving from that depot due to some unexpected work being done on the tracks. The message told us that we could catch the train in Gary, Indiana (another half hour south). Needless to say, we could not get to Gary, Indiana by the time the next train left and we missed it by 5 minutes.

At this point, the next train was another hour and a half later and I was only 32 miles from Chicago...so my daughter got curbside service to her dorm at DePaul University in Lincoln Park. As I traveled home I remembered that it was November 1st and I had not done any art that day. I am embarrassed to say that a significant part of me breathed a sigh of relief and cautiously thought...oh, a good excuse to use, "I did not have the time". As I thought about that initial gut reaction, I realized that I was still very much afraid of what I was undertaking and if that was the case, I might be truer to myself to try to recognize the fear and to use the art to work with that fear. I remembered a book that I had read on fearing our own artwork (one of many I have plowed through over the years) and a quote came to mind.

"The function of the overwhelming majority of your artwork is simply to teach you how to make the small fraction of your artwork that soars. One of the basic and difficult lessons that every artist must learn is that even the failed pieces are essential." David Bayles & Ted Orland, Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking

Is what I fear my own failure of my work? I have struggled with that repeatedly through the years and still it haunts me. This quote is right; cognitively I KNOW it is right. Every logical part of me: the art teacher; the social worker; the future art therapist; the student; all agree that it is right. Nevertheless, the artist in me is terrified of failure. I have personally experienced and have studied enough therapy to know that this fear is stroked by my little "inner critic" which is also sometimes formed or at least influenced greatly by my "inner child". Neither of which realizations seem to comfort me when I actually undertake the art process.

I Must Leap Before I Can Fall
I believe for the art process to be real and authentic it must be emotional and that is should be felt from deep within our being. This is where I think I get caught, I fear leaping into it. I fear that deep emotion can sometimes arise from this process. I know from past experience with art that if I can just get started...just put a toe over the edge and get it wet...I can allow myself the freedom to fall into it and in doing so, I feel free during the creative flowing of the art. It is only again after the process is completed, that the fears arise again. I decided that this time I was going to look at this as an art therapy project and let the fear doodle it's way out to be seen, acknowledged and comforted ritualistically by talking to it and recognizing it's concerns. Sometimes, I have found that letting the fear appear in visual form to me takes some of its power away.

A New Tool For Drawing
I created the painting above in "Brushes" which is an iphone painting application. I have seen some of the hype about the cover of the New Yorker Magazine being created from this and I was a little curious. I also visited the flicker group of artists who were playing with this new tool. The beauty of this choice of media for me was that it was a new application for me so I was providing myself with a bit a way out of "creating a great art". I told myself that I could just play and let my apprehensions play out in the doodling aspect of a new process with no pressure. As I looked at the work once it was created, some things came into my mind. The unconscious choice of drawing some sort of a fruit suggested to me a feeling of wholeness of being and a comfort by the fruit remaining intact. The idea of biting into the middle of this fruit seemed both reproachable and delectable at the same time. It also struck me how much the fruit looked like a heart...and a "purple" heart at that. Hmm...a purple heart of bravery? Oh how art can reveal, even when we are not looking for as much introspection.

Off to the races, or let the eating begin!

Onward I trudge into day two, which is well into itself as I write this post about day one. I hope to still get some art done...though I will need to rely heavily on this first sketch, and it's purple heart as I move forward in the month long challenge. Baring my heart, which often reflects my soul, as I explore this art making is a journey that I am on. I am going to try and just let things happen as they will and I will be trying to hold my judgments at bay with each endeavor. Fear can be both a strong motivator and a serious foe on this road to enlightenment.

What are the types of things that you fear? Do you often have difficulties or fears around your art or have you accepted a personal challenge that makes you a little uneasy? What types of ways do you try to overcome your fears? I would love to hear from some of you and maybe out of your feedback we could start a list of "Proven Ways to Move From Fear to Success"...hmm...maybe another blog in the works.

An Art Challenge for 30 Days

"Whaaaaaaaaaat have I done?" I am crying aloud to myself. I signed up recently for Leah Piken Kolidas's Art Every Day Month challenge @http://creativeeveryday.com/art-every-day-month that starts on November 1st. I guess I am having buyers remorse, and I have not even purchased anything. Maybe it should be called "creativity remorse" in my case. I am telling myself that I am very creative and that I should not have to worry about a 30 day challenge to make art every day. If I really think about it, I do a lot of creative things every day and Leah mentions that those creative things can be defined as broadly or as narrowly as you would like; anything from making a creative dinner, finding a creative way to save money, taking a creative outing, or just producing creative art. It's all about just recognizing and honoring that creative aspect of yourself everyday. I should be able to do that right?...then why is it still scary to me?

Riding the Roulette Wheel of Fear Again
I am reminded again of my sketch from my last blog post. How often this idea of fear creeps into my life. In response to my confession to her that I was a bit afraid of this new challenge, Leah wrote, "Fear is a good thing." She suggested that this might mean that the challenge is important to me and that "I might be at my creative edge, which is exciting". I guess the truth be known, I am both afraid AND excited to begin something new.

I have listened to several people over the years tell me to just "Do It Afraid", which is a concept that others make sound far easier than it actually is to accomplish. This shortened mental affirmation appears to reflect the essence of another quote that I have visited periodically during my life. Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman of great courage and strength once said "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing that you think you cannot do." I can not say that I would consider creating art every day a "horror" in itself, but my fear always revolves around failure or not "getting it right".

Listening To My Own Inner Voice and
Taking Notes
Listening to my own small "innerspirit" soul voice...and not "The Inner Critic's" voice that is always shouting louder to be heard, is something that I have to consciously decide to do each time that I set out to do something that makes me feel "butterflies in my stomach". I need to take more stock in some of the things that have told my clients and students over the years when they have experienced these feelings. I tried to make a mental list today of what some of those encouraging words or concepts were, since usually they came to me during the moments when someone was stuck, a group was staring at me with paint brushes frozen in their hands and terror in their eyes, or when someone was complaining that they had no artistic talent and lamenting that the things that they drew or painted never were any good. Here is the mental list I came up with to reflect on as I undertake this new month long art challenge. It comes from some of my favorite quotes, concepts that were shared with me by my own mentor/teachers, and from my own general stumblings through my art and life journey.

1. Do you know what FEAR stands for ? False Evidence Appearing Real. (I always loved that one)
2. Everyone is artistic. We are born with the gift to create. When I give a 6 year old child a piece of paper and a brand new set of 64 crayons, you do not ever hear them say that they are not an artist or that they cannot draw. That is a learned concept. Someone, several someone's and/or society have told you that you are not artistic, it's just not true. 
3. "Fear is the prison of the heart." Anonymous
4. "Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." Eddie Rickenbacker
5. Art is subjective. The concept of what makes "good art" and who is an "artist" are society created paradigm's. 
6. Remember the Impressionists? Monet, Cézanne, Renoir, Gauguin, etc? No one would discount that they are great artists and as such, their paintings hang in world class art museums. During the Renaissance, these artist's were denied the opportunity to show their work in the prominent french "Salon" which was the most well known and elite art show of it's time in Europe. They were not only denied for many years in a row, but they were told that their works were not any good and that they would never be successful. This certainly is something to think about.
   

I believe wholeheartedly in Ambrose Redmoon's quote that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." This judgement has kept me trudging forward all these years. I am not perfect. I suppose that I am what some people would refer to as a "work in progress", but I am real. As I get older I am trying very hard to accept my own authenticity and cut myself a little slack. I have made progress and each little step along the way is helpful. At least I am "Doing It" sometimes even when I am afraid. I think that owning our fear is a huge step in our own personal growth.

Lastly, when I am really floundering and I need to make life a little lighter and let the anxiety lift,  I take a long, deep breath in and long, slow breath out and remember "A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she's in hot water." –Eleanor Roosevelt. That one always makes me smile. 

What things do you fear? How have you handled the fear or what tools/resources have you used to help you to cope with your fears? I would love to hear from you.